All posts by Becki

Mothering Monday: Gym class

You got to know when to hold them…

Know when to fold them…

Know when to walk away…

Know when to run.

Those lyrics keep going through my mind as I’m debating and praying about a situation with son #1.

He. Hates. School.  Hates it.  But he goes and he does what he has to do and is actually an honor student.  But all the while making sure everyone knows how much he hates it.  It breaks my heart to think of him going through his young life so miserable all the time.  It truly is a school thing, because at home for the most part he’s a really happy guy.

I’ve debated pulling him out and homeschooling him again.  But it isn’t just being at school that he hates, it’s the work.  And I really do not enjoy being the one to take the role of teacher with him.  I don’t like fighting that battle and being that “enemy” so he continues to go to school.

Anyway, with his hatred of school, a new issue developed mid year last year.  He hates, despises, abhors, loathes, detests, can’t stand gym class.  He hates the uniform.  He hates changing in front of the other kids.  He hates that the activities.  I’m pretty sure he hates the teachers.

To be honest, I don’t really blame him.

I know he just needs to get over having to wear the gym uniform thing.  I don’t like changing in front of people either.  He’s had some issues with the other boys in the locker room.  Some their fault, and some his fault.  We’ve asked if he can change elsewhere, but his only option is the nurse’s office that isn’t too convenient.  And he doesn’t want to do that.

As far as the gym aspect.  He’s not in the best shape.  We’re working on that with him.  He can’t do a sit up or a push up.  His coordination isn’t the best, I still haven’t seen him do a jumping jack correctly.  He’s not very good at throwing or catching.  And basically he feels lousy about himself in there.

Here’s our problem.  We don’t know how much of it is the autism and how much is his laziness.  Many autistic kids have difficulty with the physical exercises.  Does this mean we excuse him from some aspects of it or do we push him harder?

With his IEP, I know we can pull him out of gym and say that we will provide a gym experience for him, through walking, running, swimming and such.  We would just have to keep an exercise log and sign it.

Do we make him press on despite his dislike, or do we rescue him from something that may be, in essence, causing more damage than good?

Do we hold them, fold them, walk away, or run?

I don’t know.

So I’m praying for guidance and wisdom and hoping that today my son will surprise us and put on his uniform and do what they say and have a good gym class.

Pressing on together,


Wednesday’s Wisdom from the Word: Dental hygiene

True Confession: I don’t have the best dental hygiene.  I have great intentions, I buy the floss, the mouthwash, sonic toothbrushes, whitening/tartar control/fresh breath/clean your whole mouth toothpaste.  Yet too many nights I fall asleep without doing any of it.

One time I was close to sleep in bed and I mentioned to Jeff that I forgot to brush my teeth but I was too tired to get up.  He got up, brought me my toothbrush with toothpaste on it and a cup of water so I could brush in bed.  How awesome is my husband?  I suppose my dental hygiene or lack of affects him as well…

Anyway, this morning was my 6 month dental cleaning.  As I sat in the chair watching Live with Kelly and Michael (by the way, how cute is Kelly Rippa’s new haircut!), my i went to work on my teeth.  She scraped and flossed and polished and got 6 months worth of build up off of them.  For the rest of the day, I kept feeling how clean they were with my tongue.  And if I know me, tonight I’ll do an awesome job cleaning my teeth before bed … and maybe even keep it up for a few days before I fall back into bad habits.

So this got me to thinking about how clean and great my teeth would feel if I actually tended to them the way I should.  Brushing and flossing every morning and night, and maybe even after lunch too.  It would prevent a lot of problems, they would look better, I’d have better breath, and probably wouldn’t get sick as often.

And as I was thinking on this, a Bible verse popped into my mind.

 Morning, noon, and night I plead aloud in my distress, and the LORD hears my voice. (Psalm 55:17)

“Morning, noon, and night” sounds like when I should also be brushing my teeth!  God wants us to go to him morning, noon, and night.  I take that as God wants us to go to him all the time.  That sounds to me like an ongoing, ever-present relationship.  

God desires for me to take action and seek him out all day, every day.  Instead, too often, I am too tired, or I forget, and I don’t pray or read the Bible or meditate on him and his word. I have the best intentions, I buy a great Bible and devotional, I download cool apps, I have the newest, greatest worship music.  But they go untouched.  And then Sunday comes, and I expect the pastor to fill me up with God and cleanse me from the buildup of the world that came as a result of my neglect of God all week long … just like I expect the hygienist to clean up my teeth after 6 months of neglect.

The problem with that is I might leave church feeling great, but soon the world presses in and the decay in my heart continues.  Sunday mornings is not enough for God to truly capture my heart and transform me into the woman he desires me to be.  It is not enough to empower me to walk through my days with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  I need God, morning, noon, and night.  I need God the father, Jesus the son and salvation, and the Holy Spirit my teacher and comforter all day, every day.

So, God, forgive me for too many days of neglect (of both you and my teeth!).  Give me the desire, the discipline, the dedication, and the delight to seek you out morning, noon, and night. Oh, and the discipline to take care of my teeth that you created would be good too!

Pressing on together,


Training Tuesday: The name on the bib

I did it!  I took the first step to a new level plunge.  I signed up for the Philly Half Marathon in November.

Back in the spring, I debated signing up for the Broad Street 10 mile and I hesitated and came up with reasons why not to and I missed it.  Then I was going to sign up for the Philly Rock n Roll Half back in September.  I hesitated and came up with reasons why not to and I missed it.  Each time, on race day, my Facebook page would be covered with pics and status updates about my friends completing the race.  And I would be wishing I did it too.

So I took the plunge, forked out the money that usually makes me hesitate, and signed up.  Funny thing, you know what made me actually sign up last night?  I got an email that said yesterday was the last day to sign up and have your name on your race bib.

Your name on your race bib.

Such a little thing, but also such a huge thing.  Last year, my friend Emily and I ran the Rothman 8k that is a part of the Philly Marathon Weekend.  We were so excited when we picked up our bibs and noticed our names on it.  We never had our names on a bib before.  It felt like we were in the big time now.

My name on the Rothman 8k race bib.
My name on the Rothman 8k bib.

But the best part about having your name on the bib?  We were at about the 4 mile mark in the race.  And someone in the crowd yelled, “Go Emily!”  We looked around to see who knew us and realized the person was simply yelling her name because it was on the bib.  But still, hearing her name definitely made us kick it into high gear for the last mile.

And so, as I was debating and hesitating and coming up with all sorts of reasons not to sign up for the half, one little email, with one seemingly silly message was the encouragement I needed.

Yesterday, I happened to meet my friend Emily for a run.  She told me she was debating signing up for the half.  I told her about the email and the names on the bib.  She had read the same email and was thinking the exact same thing.  So then last night at 11 pm I texted her that I just signed up for it … and she texted back that she had too!

Emily and I getting ready to start the Rothman 8k
Emily and I getting ready to start the Rothman 8k

So, Emily, I can’t wait for November 17th … to proudly wear our bibs with our names on them … and graduate from the 8k to run our first Half Marathon together!

And if you, dear reader, are debating doing something that you’ve never done before, I’m praying that you will stop debating and coming up with excuses (like I have), and that you will see the silly little signs of encouragement and go for it!

Pressing on together,


Mothering Monday: The punishment

“This is torture!”

“I would rather be without any screen time for an entire week!”

What punishment could possibly be so bad that my 7-year-old would rather be without any screen time for a whole week (including TV, computer, kindle fire, 3DS, Wii, PS3, iPod … hmmm, I’m thinking we have too many screens!)?????

I didn’t take away any toys, any screen, prevent them from playing.  The catch?  The 3 boys were not allowed within 5 feet of each other and they were not allowed to talk to each other – all day!

What would bring me to such drastic measures?  Riding in a car with 3 boys who couldn’t seem to hold a conversation longer than 30 seconds without arguing.  I couldn’t take it anymore … I said things I wish I wouldn’t have said, “Sometimes, I wish I didn’t have kids!”  I apologized, “I’m so glad that I have each of you, and I love you, and I couldn’t imagine my life without you … but the arguing is driving me crazy!”

So they were miserable all day.  Not playing together or talking was “torture”.  But, my day was so peaceful and quiet that I kept lengthening their punishment.  I never had told them for how long they couldn’t play together or talk.  I was thinking an hour.  But I enjoyed that hour so much that I extended it, and then extended it a little more.

Granted, I have to let them talk and play together again.  Hopefully this made an impression and they will be nicer to each other … but if not, I know the punishment that makes my life a little more peaceful!

The boys ...
The boys … trying to get a picture of them happy and liking each other can be tough!
...but sometimes we get one ...
…but sometimes we get one …
or two.

Just a little disclaimer … today’s post is not a “here’s what you should do to be a great mother” post, rather just a snippet into the day of my imperfect mothering life 🙂

Pressing on together,


Training Tuesday: The good hair day, conquering excuses

Have you moved yet today?  I’m not talking about getting out of bed … although in our house this morning, that was quite an accomplishment!  I’m also not talking about dragging your butt to the coffee pot for your morning fix … although in our house this morning, that was quite a necessity.

I’m talking about intentionally exercising.  If you haven’t, I’m sure you have a valid reason:

didn’t cross your mind

didn’t have time

don’t have a gym membership

too cold / hot / rainy outside

you’re sick / injured

need more motivation

you’ll do it later / tomorrow / next week / next month / next year

you’re perfectly happy with your body now

Let me tell you, I was the queen of excuses and still am!  I didn’t make exercise a priority and so it didn’t happen.  (Combine that with overeating and you end up at 224 pounds, like me!)  There’s always a valid reason to not exercise.  Yesterday, I wrestled with the fact that when I woke up, my hair looked really good.  I mean, I went to the bathroom, glanced in the mirror, and was shocked at how good it looked without doing a thing to it.  It looked like I spent a lot of time getting it just right.

And then, I thought about how every morning after doing Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred, I’m a sweaty mess.  “What a shame it would be to waste that perfect hair on a workout.  Maybe, I’ll just skip today or workout later.”  But I knew the truth … skipping one day often leads to skipping 2, 3, 4 or more days.  And more than not, when I say I’ll workout later, “later” never comes.  So I took one last glance in the mirror at my perfect hair before pulling it back into a pony tail to get ready to sweat.

So let’s look at those excuses listed above and conquer them!

  • didn’t cross your mind – well, it has now … so cross that excuse off your list.  But what about tomorrow.  You have to make a decision at some point.  Will you exercise or not?  If the answer is no, I won’t judge, I spent 38 years with the same answer.  If the answer is yes, then make sure it’s on your mental to do list … or better yet, write it down on a schedule!
  • didn’t have time – That’s a lie.  I’ll be honest, and I know you’ve heard this before, but you have time for whatever you make a priority.  You probably manage to eat and get dressed every day even though time is so precious. I do understand saying you don’t have time if your exercise routine is long and you have to drive to and from a gym.  That’s why I love Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred.  I do it in my tiny living room and from start to stop it takes 28 minutes.  Granted, I’m only burning about 200 calories, but it combines strength, abs, and cardio and I see results in my body.  I just don’t get to eat as much in my day.  Jeff and I are going to order Shaun T’s (The Insanity guy) T25 workout.  That’s supposed to be similar to the 30 day shred, but more intense … but still you do it in your home and its 30 minutes start to finish.  You can even do these while watching an episode of Duck Dynasty or whatever your guilty TV pleasure is!
  • don’t have a gym membership – You don’t need one – see above, or just go outside and power walk or run.
  • too cold / hot / rainy outside – Exercise inside – see above.  Exercise in your living room, yours can’t be smaller than mine!
  • you’re sick / injured – Sick, if you are truly sick, then OK take the day off.  But if you are injured, exercise other parts of your body.  Is your knee injured?  Shadow box for an intense cardio exercise.
  • need more motivation – No you don’t, you need discipline.  I read once discipline is doing what you don’t want to do.  And you don’t magically get discipline, you simply choose to do what is right.
  • you’ll do it later / tomorrow / next week / next month / next year – Really?  If you will do it later, than great, it’s not an excuse.  But right now is yesterday’s later … so don’t you owe it now?  I remember reading a book that talked about how we all like to start something on a Monday morning, or the first of the month, or January first.  And so we put off starting if it’s not the right day.  Well the book said something like, “Wednesday at 4 PM is a perfect time to start, don’t wait for Monday.”  The crazy thing?  It was Wednesday at 4PM.
  • you’re perfectly happy with your body now – Awesome!  Good for you.  But exercise isn’t just about appearance.  It’s about making your heart stronger.   It’s about taking care of yourself.  It’s about decreasing depression.  It’s about giving you more energy.  Making your body look better is a bonus side effect.
  • your hair looks perfect now and exercising will make it a sweaty mess – Oh, how I sympathize … but I guess you just need to decide what you want more: perfect hair for one day, or a strong, healthy body for life 🙂

And so if I, the queen of excuses, can learn to press on through them, then so can you!  And if you think you have a valid excuse that you want to challenge me on, then I’d love to hear it!

Pressing on together,



Mothering Monday: Nothing in common

My youngest son loves the Phillies!  In the spring, he started really watching the games.  We thought he was using it as an excuse to stay up late.  But then he began turning on Comcast Sports Network first thing in the morning to see updates on the Phils or to see how a game turned out if he had to go to bed before it was over.

He started learning all the players and their stats.  He became opinionated about when relief pitchers were put into the games, yelling at Papelbon.  He started arguing (through the TV) with the umps over “unfair” calls.

He began playing my husband’s MLB game for the PS3 more than he was playing Pokemon, Mario, and Minecraft.  As his birthday rolled around in July, he asked for MLB13 since the one he was playing was from 2009 and didn’t have the current players on it.

As he’s played MLB and from watching the Phils, he’s also learned the players on the other teams.  He can hold an intelligent, informed conversation with adults about the season.  My mom gets tickets from work and so he’s gotten to go to 4 games this year.

And my husband LOVES it!  Jeff is a sports guy.  He loves all the Philadelphia teams and Penn State.  When he became a father of sons, I’m sure he pictured himself having catches, spending Saturdays watching Penn State football together, spending Sundays watching the Eagles together and of course watching the Phillies together all summer long.

My oldest doesn’t have much of an interest in sports.  He’ll get into it at the game, but other than that not so much.  My middle son loves sports, but would rather play than watch.  Jeff loves getting out back and playing with him.  My youngest likes to play too, but like I said this year, it’s all about watching the Phils.  And it has really brought him much closer to my husband.

He can’t wait for Jeff to get home from work to tell him about a trade or some other Phillies news.  They play MLB13 together.  And they have a great time going to the games, just the 2 of them.

My husband and son at the Phillies game (top left corner).  Yes, I'm the nerd that takes a picture of the TV screen!
My husband and son at the Phillies game (top left corner). Yes, I’m the nerd that takes a picture of the TV screen!

But what happens when you don’t have any shared interests with your kids?  My oldest is all about Minecraft … that’s all he wants to talk about.  And Jeff and I really have no interest in talking about it with him!  I really could care less about mining for gold or diamonds, or creeping, or which server to go on.  I don’t want to sing or listen to all the Minecraft parodies … really I don’t.  Actually, all 3 love Minecraft, but the other 2 will at least talk about other things as well.

So what do we do?  Do we just not talk with our son because that’s all he wants to talk about?  Do we force him to talk about other things?  Or do we join in on the conversation?

I remember back when Jeff and I were first married.  Remember I said he’s a sports guy?  That’s what he likes to talk about.  So on my way home from work, I’d listen to sports radio.  Not because I cared about the latest trades or rumors of trades or injuries or whatever.  But because my husband cared, and I loved him.  I wanted to be able to talk with him about things he loved.  So I would listen on the way home and at dinner we’d talk sports.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped doing that, and I’ll be honest, I often now tune him out as he talks sports.  Perhaps, I need to start listening again so he knows I care about him and love him!

But also perhaps I need to start playing Minecraft, or at least reading up on it, and actually listening to my oldest when he talks about it.  Because I love him and I care about him and I want him to know it.  And, I love that he talks to me at all … I don’t want him to stop.  I’m reminded of something I heard once from Catherine Wallace (I don’t know Ms. Wallace or anything she stands for, so I’m not endorsing her … but I agree with this):

The little stuff


In an ideal world, my sons and I would love the same things.  They would love sitting around the table doing crafts with me.  They would enjoy going clothes shopping.  They would read the books I love and want to talk about them.  I would always enjoy being around them and we’d have fun doing things together that we all love.  But it’s not an ideal world, and I suppose that means I need to make some sacrifices to build the relationships that I want to have with my boys … even if it means talking about Minecraft~

Pressing on Together (& enduring enjoying endless conversations about Minecraft),




Friends & Family Friday: Rejoice

True confession: I am a jealous person …

… and Facebook feeds that jealousy.

I see your posts:

photos of your awesome vacation (everyone smiling of course)

photos of the delicious, perfectly nutritionally balanced dinner you made from scratch, that all of your smiling, happy children ate

status updates about the cute things your perfect children say

photos of the beautiful, crafty, seasonal decorations you and your children made

photos of your star students and athletes and musicians getting all sorts of accolades

status updates of some outstanding success story

photos of your kitchen renovations turning your home into one worthy of Better Homes & Gardens

photos of your new, beautiful home

photos of you and your bestie’s nights out

I “like” them and comment on them and I love reading your posts and looking at your pictures, truly I do.  But sometimes, it leaves me feeling jealous and discontented with my house, vacations, kids, cooking ability, friendships.  (Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m posting the same things.)

I heard a quote once that I love.  It’s by Pastor Steven Furtick.  (I don’t know anything about him or his theology, so I am not endorsing him … I just heard this quote and love it!)

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.

Isn’t that what Facebook is?  Everyone else’s highlight reel?  Occasionally people post their “behind-the-scenes” on it.  But mostly it’s the good stuff that makes it there.  And so many of us are left feeling insecure, inadequate, and jealous.

So, does that mean we should stop reading and posting on Facebook?  Perhaps.  But for me, I realize that the problem is much deeper than that.

In the book of Romans, the apostle Paul tells us to “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” (12:15)  

I can easily mourn with those who mourn.  I can pray with them.  I can cry with them.  I’m learning that I don’t have to fix their world, but walk beside them.

But …

Rejoice with those who rejoice?  That sounds easy.  It should come naturally to celebrate with others.  But my problem is that secretly, when you are rejoicing, I’m wishing I were too.  Instead of truly being happy for you, I’m wondering why I don’t have whatever you are rejoicing about.  I do a much better job rejoicing with someone if they are rejoicing about something I already have!

Facebook is not the problem.  My heart is the problem.  The fact of the matter is that I should rejoice even if I have nothing  … because I have Christ, which is everything!

So I am working on reading your updates and looking at your photos and rejoicing with you without the envy and jealousy and feelings of inadequacy.  And learning to rest in the knowledge that if I have nothing but Christ, that is more than enough.

God, forgive me for my jealousy.  Help me to rejoice with those who rejoice.  Help me to truly find my peace and joy in you and only you.

Pressing on together,



Wednesday’s Wisdom from the Word: Chasing squirrels

Have you ever taken a dog for a walk?  I watch owners walking their dogs.  Some dogs lead the owners and some owners lead their dogs.  Some owners keep the leash short and others give their dogs a long leash to wander off the path.

Every morning after the boys get on the bus, I take our dog for a walk or a run.  Our dog is 5 years old and we just got her in the spring.  (You can read that story here.)  If I’m not running, I give her a lot of slack on the leash and let her explore.  She’s part terrier and as we walk, she’s always sniffing and looking to the left or the right and often darts off the path towards a squirrel or bird or rabbit or any other scent that catches her attention.

When I’m running, I don’t give her much slack and expect her to stay more focused on our course.  As she tries to veer to the left or the right, I reign her back in to keep going.

This morning as she was pulling off towards a squirrel, I was reminded of a bible verse from Hebrews:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1-2)

God has set before us a race, a course, a path to walk.  His desire is for us to fix our eyes on Him.  To seek him out each morning and throughout our day.  To follow his lead.  To desire to be where he is.

Yet, we so often fix our eyes on other things … on the squirrels off the path.  We chase after worldly pleasures (money, stuff, success, praise of people, physical pleasure).  And in doing so, we stop running the race marked out for us.

I got a picture in my head of God taking me for a walk.  I’m the dog on the leash.   He’s leading me down a path, but gives the leash some slack.  Off to the side of the path I see a pan of brownies (my squirrel).  I run off to the pan to start eating for pleasure or for comfort.  God doesn’t want me to chase after the brownies … he wants me to go to him for pleasure and comfort, so he reigns me back in.

As we keep walking, I catch a glimpse of the new phone or van or house or TV or clothes or jewelry I want.  I start chasing after them.  Not that there is anything wrong with getting a new phone, or van (which we desperately need), or TV, or clothes, or jewelry.  But is that where my eyes are fixed or are they fixed on the race God has marked out for me?  Am I discontent and always wanting more, or am I satisfied and thankful for what I have?  Again, God reigns me back to the path.

We continue walking.  I start hearing the whispers of worldy praise.  “Good job, Becki.”  “Way to go, Becki.” “Thank you, Becki.” These whispers may have started out for things that I was doing for God: writing a blog, taking care of my body, serving in a ministry role, working, being a mom.  But soon the praise pulls my eyes away from serving God and turns my eyes on myself.  I start doing things to receive more praise and not for God.  I like the accolades.  I like feeling good about myself.  I like people noticing me in a positive way.  And soon, I run off the path chasing things that I think will make people notice me instead of things that I know will turn people’s eyes to God.  And so, once again, God reigns me back to the path.

I could go on and on with all the squirrels (sin) that catch my attention and I chase after.  But I hope you get the point.  In First John, God tells us:

Do not love the world or anything in the world.  If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them.  For everything in the world – the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life – is not from the Father but from the world.  The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever. (2:15-17)

So this morning, I’m praying:  God, hold my leash tight.  Reign me in and forgive me for running off the path and chasing after worldly things.  Thank you, Jesus, that you endured the cross, scorned its shame and now sit at the right hand of God to forgive me.  My desire is to love you not the world and the things in the world.  Help me to throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles me and to fix my eyes on you so that I will run with perseverance the race marked out for me.  Amen.

Pressing on together,


Training Tuesday: Not there yet! (again)

Recently I was telling someone about a post that I wrote over a year ago.  As I was telling her about it, I realized how current it is for me, so I decided to re-post it.

Yesterday (well, actually a year and 3 months ago…) my boys and I went for a hike so they could throw rocks into a stream.  What is it about boys and throwing rocks???? Anyway, we went to a spot that we’ve gone to before, but it was quite awhile ago.  About 1/10th of a mile into our walk, son #2 found a spot that he thought was good.  The trail is about 10 feet above the water line, but at this spot there was a small path that led down to the water.  There was about 3 feet of “beach” and a few rocks lying around.  My oldest son didn’t even give it a glance, but kept on walking.  He knew where he wanted to go.

It took some convincing, but I got son #2 to keep going.  Every so often, he would find another path and declare it to be “the spot”.  He’d then get frustrated as son #1 just kept walking.  I’d tell him, no, we’re not there yet.

“But this spot looks good,” he’d reply.

“But the one up ahead is better.” I’d answer.

All the while, my oldest kept walking, very focused and determined.  He rarely even glanced around as he walked.  He knew where he was going.  And my “indoor kid” as he likes to call himself, was walking at a pace that my youngest, son #3, had a hard time keeping up with.  But up ahead, about a mile into our hike, we saw him take the right turn, off the path, towards the creek.  The other 2 started running to catch up to him.

Their smiles were huge, their eyes big as they were taking in the “Mecca” of locations for stream stone throwing.  We were on an all stone peninsula.  The stream was wide at this spot, and there was a waterfall.  Right away, they were grabbing all sorts of stones and throwing them in the water.  I found a spot to sit down and watched as they spent the next 40 minutes enjoying themselves.

And as we walked back, son #2 no longer had any desire to take the paths down to the 3 foot beaches with a handful of stones.  They lost their appeal when compared to where we were.

As we continued to walk, I thought about my weight loss journey.  Right now, I’m 178 pounds (yep, I broke the 180 barrier last week!).  (Actually right now, 9/17, I’m 151.5 pounds) Compared to 224, I feel great.  Clothes look better on me.  I don’t have to shop in the plus sized clothes anymore.  I’m getting lots of compliments.  I can run 3 miles (now I can run 10 miles) , and I do so 3-5 times a week (maybe not 10 miles 3-5 times a week 🙂).  I feel good about myself.  But right now, I’m fighting the urge to just “sit” here at this weight.  Fighting the thoughts that this is “good enough” and it would be OK to just maintain.  Fighting to keep pressing on.

Because even though 178 (151.5), when compared to 224, is amazing, it’s not where I should be.  I’m still considered obese (overweight).  My thighs still rub together when I run.  My belly and my arms still have a lot of “jiggle” to them.  I’m still in double-digit clothes (size 10, but some 8’s!).  My “Mii” on Wii Fit is still fat! (Not sure about this one, haven’t played Wii Fit in a while) So I know I can’t stop here.

I thought about how son #2 was content to stop 1/10th of the way into a walk and stand on a tiny beach with only a few rocks.  He didn’t want to keep going.  To him that was good enough.  But in reality, it didn’t come close to comparing with the destination son #1 and I had in mind.  And I decided that I was not going to be content to stop here on my health journey.  I’m going to keep pressing on.

 Pressing on together,


Mothering Monday: The stitches

It was 4:00 Saturday afternoon.  I was packing up the Chick-fil-A truck at the end of a community day.  I had been working since 7 am and still had to go back to the store to unload before I could finally head home.  My phone rang, I glanced at the caller ID.  I saw that it was my mom.  Normally, I’d ignore it and call her later since I was working.  But she had my youngest and knew I was working, so I figured I should answer it.

She called to tell me that my son was playing in the living room and fell and hit his chin on the coffee table.  She thought he might need stitches.  Thankfully she had called an urgent care center and discovered that they would see him without Jeff or I present.  I agreed they should take him there.

When I got back to Chick-fil-A.  I got the phone call from the receptionist asking me to fax over my insurance card and to give verbal consent to treat.  I then had to talk to the nurse.  Finally after a little bit while I was driving home, the doctor called to tell me that he was going to need 3 stitches and that she was going to have to give a shot to numb the chin first.  I gave my consent and the doctor handed the phone back to my mom.

Showing off his battle wound - 3 stitches
Showing off his battle wound – 3 stitches

Unknowingly, my mom didn’t hang up the phone, so I could hear what was going on.  As I was driving, I listened.  And the tears came.  Tears of exhaustion.  Tears of guilt.  I should be with my baby when a doctor is stitching him up.  It was only 3 stitches, so really not a big deal, but still, I should be there.

It might not have hit me so hard, except that these past few weeks, my job has taken me away from my family more than I wanted.  I missed soccer games.  I had to work some nights after the kids were in school all day.  After being a stay-at-home mom for 12 years, it’s difficult to now miss things.

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my job (Marketing Director for Chick-fil-A).  The job description describes me completely.  I am thankful for the extra income, the great people to work with, and the overall flexibility of the position.  I am proud to be work for this company.  My kids think I’m a rock star for working there.  (Well, maybe that’s overstating things, but they think it’s cool.)  Have I mentioned that I love my job?

But since school has started, it has been difficult to maintain the balance and give my family the attention they deserve.  So on Saturday into Sunday my heart was heavy with the guilt.  I felt as if I couldn’t continue with my job and be a mom to my boys.  But I didn’t feel right quitting my job either.  And as I typed this (on Sunday night) I wasn’t sure what to write because I had no peace only stress, anxiety, and guilt.

But then I heard that voice of God whispering to me a verse I clung to while my children were younger.

He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young. (Isaiah 40:11)

I would cling to the idea that God was carrying me close to his heart and that he was gently leading me (those that have young).  Being a mom, we are constantly filled with uncertainty.  And it starts from pregnancy:

  • Do you do the pregnancy screening tests?
  • Natural childbirth or epidural?
  • Circumcision or not?
  • Breast or bottle?
  • Co-sleep or cry it out?
  • Paci, thumb, or nothing?
  • To spank or not to spank?
  • Work or stay home?
  • Public school, private school, or home school?
  • Oreos or something more natural?
  • Can they go to  a friend’s house without you?
  • Are video games OK?
  • How much TV is too much TV?
  • Should they be in more or less organized activities?
  • Is that person safe to have as a babysitter?
  • Do I let them get away with ____ or do I discipline?

Through all that uncertainty, God promises to gently lead us, even though that leading may be different for each of us.  And as I look back these past 13 years, I see his leading throughout my mothering.

He also promises that if we seek wisdom, he will give it to us.  So now as I type, I’m starting to feel my burden lifting.  I am beginning to trust God that he chose me to be the mom for my boys.  That he loves me and my boys like crazy.  And that he wants to lead me now in my uncertainty and give me wisdom in how to be their mom.

And so this week, I’ll get up each day and continue to send my boys off to school and head out to the job that I love.  And I trust God to lead me in finding that balance.

How about you?  Is there something you are uncertain in?  Will you trust God to carry you close to his heart and to gently lead you?

Pressing on together,