Last week we were greeters for church.  Well, technically I was a greeter, but my youngest 2 boys decided to help.  They stood for a half hour, opening the doors as people walked up and extending their hands to offer a handshake and a “Good morning”.  They  were so cute and seemed to feel important in this role.  Of course, everyone walking in gave them a big smile and returned the greeting (how could you not, I mean they are so stinkin’ cute!).

After one man shook my 5-year-old’s hand, he said good morning to my son.  But then he, in a kind and friendly voice, said to him, “When you shake someone’s hand, you look them in the eye, and you give the hand a little squeeze.”  Then he shook my son’s hand again and rewarded him with “Perfect!” at my son’s attempt to do it correctly.

As my son continued to welcome people to church, I noticed that he was now looking them in the eye as he greeted them.  And later in the day, I overheard him “teaching” his older brother the correct way to shake a hand.

This stuck out to me because, to be honest, I never thought to teach my boys how to shake a hand.  And then I started thinking about all sorts of social skills that I haven’t been spending time instructing but expect them to do, especially with the third.  I think by that time, you assume you’ve taught something, but in reality you’ve taught the older ones and not the younger.  Or in my special case, I spent a lot of time teaching my oldest son skills with no success and then just kind of gave up.  But, I’m forgetting that my oldest son has Asperger’s and just because he may always need reminding doesn’t mean my younger 2 won’t master the skills.

Anyway, with that being said, besides a handshake, here are 10 social skills that I want to get back on track with my kids:

1. Look people in the eye when you talk to them.  I used to ask my oldest son what color someone’s eyes were after he had a conversation with them.
2. Addressing grown-ups by their names and not just by “Hey”.  Out of respect and to remind children that adults are not their peers, I prefer Mr. and Mrs. with the last name.  (Maybe I’ll do a post on that at another time…)
3. Giving people your full attention when greeting them, talking to them, and saying good-bye.
4. When approaching 2 or more people who are already in a conversation, to stop and listen first before interrupting.  Wait for a pause before saying something.  And then either join in the conversation in the topic that is already being discussed, or else wait for a break in the topic in order to change it.
5. Holding doors for the people behind you and thanking people who are holding doors for you.
6. Asking for what you want, of course always including please.  I don’t know why but it drives me crazy when my kids, well to be honest, when other people’s kids too, just announce “I’m hungry” or “I’m thirsty” and then expect that need to be taken care of.  So lately I’ve been correcting my boys with “What are you really saying?”  And they’ve learned to respond with, “Mom, can you please get me a drink?” or “Mom, can I please get myself a snack?”
7. Learning the appropriate volume to talk.  My boys have one volume: loud!  I’m constantly saying, “I’m right here, I can hear you.”  I’m not sure how to teach this!!!!
8. Learning to apologize correctly.  Last week at church one of our pastors shared that in their family they’ve taught their children to say, “I’m sorry for ____, will you forgive me?”
9. Learning to forgive correctly.  I’ve taught my guys to say, “I forgive you” instead of “That’s OK.”  Because, usually what the offender did is not OK.  But we still need to choose to forgive the person, even though what they did was wrong.
10. No devices (phones, iPods, DSI’s, tablets…) at the dinner table.  Talk to each other instead!  We are really good with this at home.  But at restaurants we usually allow them up until the food arrives.  But I’m thinking I need to just take advantage of any time that we are all sitting together and not allow it.  I remember being in a restaurant waiting to be seated.  Another family was called for their table and the father stood there with his hand-held out and his 3 teen-aged children all put their phones in his hand as they walked by.  He didn’t have to say anything, so this rule was already established and none of the teens complained.  I was impressed!
11. (I know I said 10, but really this one is so important, that it can’t be left out.)  Always, always, always say thank you.  And not just to the obvious people.  Say thank you to the bus driver.  Say thank you to the doctor, the dentist, the waiter, the cashier.  Say thank you to the teacher, to the sunday school teacher, to the pastor for the message, to your friend’s parents.  Say thank you when you receive a gift.  Call to say thank you when you receive something in the mail.  Say thank you for being invited to a party.  Say thank you for dinner.  Say thank you when a friend shares with you.  Say thank you to your mom and dad.  And most importantly, say thank you to God!

So I know this is by no means an exhaustive list.  Just the ones that came to me as I’ve been thinking about this for the past week.  As parents it is so easy to get angry, embarrassed, or frustrated when our children are not behaving in the socially acceptable manner, but the question is, do we model it and have we taught them?  Without a doubt, we need to model the behavior we want to teach.  But that alone is not enough.  We also need to take time to instruct it, and usually the time to do so is not when we are correcting a behavior.

What behaviors would you have included in the list?  I’d love to hear!

♥Becki