“What on earth was that?” I thought to myself as I hung up the phone. I had just gotten an earful about how I’ve wronged the caller. As she went on and on, I tried to remain calm and to not say anything I would regret. I tried to look at the situation critically and see what I needed to apologize for. But, here’s the thing… I don’t think I was wrong, and she obviously does. So how do I bring the situation to reconciliation?
So here’s what I did… I told her I was sorry that it upset her so much. I told her that my intention was never for her to get hurt. I told her that to be honest, I don’t know how I would have handled the situation differently, but if I was wrong, I am truly sorry. But I don’t think it was good enough for her. And to be honest, I’m not sure if completely agreeing with her, accepting full responsiblity, and apologizing would have been enough. She was angry and wanted me to know the full extent of her anger.
So now I replay over and over the conversation and the initial situation that caused her anger. And I pray, “God, show me how to handle this. Show me where I’m wrong. Show me if I need to accept responsiblity and apologize more.” To be honest when I first started praying, it was out of a prideful heart that really didn’t think there was anything for God to show me. But the more I prayed, the more I was open to the possibility that I may have been in the wrong. Yet, as I pray and replay the scenario, I still don’t see my guilt.
So now I’m praying that God would soften her heart. That her anger would subside, and she would be able to look at the situation critically and rationally. And more importantly I’m praying for my heart…
That I would not become angry and bitter and spiteful towards her. That I would not gossip about her. That I would not think more highly of myself than I ought. That I would rest in God’s love and assurance and be confident that even though people will fail me, God will not. That I would still be able to love this woman and show her God’s love.
Because my imperfect, human heart wants to get all angry and yell back and tell everyone I come in contact with about the situation and wish horrible things on her…
But to what end? It serves no purpose. And Christ has called me to more. Here’s what God said through the Apostle John in 1 John 4: 7-21:
So I will battle my imperfect human desires and pray for Jesus to fill me with love and show me how to love. Hopefully I’ll learn quickly and this “lesson” will be finished soon!
Do you struggle loving someone? How do you love those “unloveables” that God has put in your life?
Pressing on with you…