Yesterday morning I went to my cousin, Jimmy’s funeral.  Jimmy was a cousin that I didn’t know very well – my dad was 1 of 7 kids and his siblings all had lots of kids and this was my youngest cousin on my Dad’s side, so he was not who I really talked to at reunions, weddings, funerals and such.  He was 21 and died Sunday unexpectedly and tragically when he fell into a ravine while hiking.  I can’t imagine (nor do I want to try to) my aunt’s grief and pain.  When I found out that he had died, I was shocked, saddened and then thought, “This is a bad week for me to have to go to a funeral.”

What????

That’s right, I’m ashamed to admit that was one of my first thoughts.  Tomorrow I am leading a training retreat for the leadership team of my MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group.  It might not seem like a big deal, but it is a 9 hour agenda filled with training, bonding, and planning for the upcoming year.  I try so hard to make it fun, informative, and memorable in a good way.  I still had a lot of work to do on getting ready for the retreat.  And I didn’t think it was a good time to “fit in” a funeral.  It’s strange really how my aunt’s and my cousins’ whole lives have completely changed in an instant and I get a little stressed about an “inconvenience.”  Kind of like when I get really frustrated about sitting in traffic for 45 minutes and being late  to something when the reason for the traffic was a horrific accident and a family’s life is shattered…

But I went to the funeral and am so glad I did.  I am thankful for my family, all of them, the ones I’m close to and the ones I’m not.  Because I know when it comes down to it, we are family, we love each other, we have a bond, and I know that they would all be there for me if I would ask them to.

In the past, I have skipped funerals because of my schedule, and I have regretted it.  I have not called or sent cards to offer condolences because I didn’t know what to say, and I have regretted it.  I have not visited or called someone whom I knew was going to be passing soon because I didn’t know what to say or if it would be welcome, and I regretted it.  I let me self-centeredness keep me from doing what is right and being focused on the important things.  But… I have never regretted doing any of those things when I did do them.  (Lord please help me to think of myself less and others more.)

So now, I’m sitting down to type this because as it turned out I was able to get everything ready for the retreat despite going to the funeral.  My week actually wasn’t as stressful as I thought it would be and have been able to enjoy a lot of it.  I wish it could be the same for my aunt, my cousins and Jimmy.

♥Becki (imperfect wife of an imperfect man, imperfect mom of 3 imperfect boys, forgiven daughter of a perfect God.)

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I’m trying to be consistent about writing every Monday through Friday, but life sometimes doesn’t allow it.  Yesterday I had the perfect reason not to post about Friends & Family… instead of writing about Friends and Family, I was with Friends and Family.

The day started out babysitting a friend’s son and feeding another friend’s cat.  These are 2 of my “go to girls” when I need help so I love to be able to reciprocate and help them out too.  Do you have a network like that?  If not, I encourage you to seek it out.  These friendships developed out of spending time together because we were local and have kids the same age.  Playdates grew into swapping sitting for doctor’s appointments and such.  And eventually these women have become the type of friends that I can tell anything to and know they will still support, love and encourage me.  Love friends like that, the ones involved in your day to day.

Then, Jeff took all three of our boys to his parents for a sleepover with cousins and grandparents – and no parents.  This is always a highlight for my boys.  They love the time with grandparents.  And Jeff and I encourage it, its such an important relationship to foster and builds lifelong memories… and it means some free time for us!

So Jeff and I then went to meet an old college friend (old in how long its been since we saw her – 15 years, and not in age – younger than me!) and her husband, who we hadn’t met yet, for lunch.  We had reconnected on facebook and they were passing through in the beginning of a long drive from New York to Colorado and made time to meet with us.  This couple is not involved in our day to day, but I loved that we could sit down and talk about real life as if they were.  No awkwardness and not just idle chit chat… but real “What’s God been doing in your life and how do you feel about it” type of conversations.  They were very open, authentic and definitely felt like kindred spirits.

After lunch and a walk around the mall, Jeff and I got to go to the Phillies game together, alone, without children.  (I love my children, and being with them… but like any parents time without them is really important to Jeff and me.)  Thank you Mom for the tickets!  It took forever to get to the stadium because it was raining and rush hour and a Friday and people were going to the shore.  But that just meant more time to talk.  We passed a man standing outside waiting for a bus or something and getting drenched so Jeff stopped and gave him our umbrella.  “Thanks Poppy,” the older Asian man kept saying over and over again.  We’re not sure what Poppy means – insult? compliment?  Not sure but I think he appreciated the umbrella and then Jeff realized about 10 minutes later, “I gave away our umbrella, we are going to get wet walking to the stadium!”  So we took a detour to a CVS to buy a new umbrella before going into the game.

We got to the game and our new umbrella didn’t work quite right – oh well, we got a little wet, but didn’t melt.  The game was on a rain delay for a couple of hours so we got a chance to talk to a nice couple from Media who were also on a date night.  They had two boys 3 and 5 and unfortunately for them their babysitter was being paid by the hour unlike our babysitters who were grandparents and didn’t charge… so they weren’t real thrilled about the delay.  But it gave us a chance to talk.  Jeff and I are trying to be more intentional not just with our established relationships, but those we come in contact with.  Anyway, the game finally started and ended after midnight with a walk off home run victory for the Phillies!

Then this morning, we had a knock on the door and were visited by a good friend who has been in Africa (Botswana) for 3 years as a missionary.  She’s home for a few months and this was the first we had gotten to see her.  I had just sent a message to her asking what her schedule was like, so was thrilled to see her and 2 other friends (who live 3 minutes from us and we definitely don’t see enough of – we’ll have to fix that) at our door.  Even though my house was a mess – its been a busy week – and I wasn’t showered, no deodorant (did you read that post about deodorant?), and neither teeth nor hair were brushed, I loved that they had stopped by and visited!  I’m so glad that I’m at the point in life that I can enjoy a visit like that without worrying about what they are thinking about me!

It was a good day and a good start to today!  (Oh I didn’t even mention about the reunion earlier this week at Penn State for the fireworks.  We had connected there with some college friends who now live in Kansas.  We hadn’t seen them in 15 years either, but like our other friends, the conversations were real, authentic, and easy.)  I am so glad for all the people God has blessed me with in my life.  And if you are reading this… that includes you!

The other day I was going through a pile of papers and found some Christmas cards that didn’t get mailed.  They were the ones that I didn’t have the addresses in my excel file so I had to hunt them down.  I emailed friends and asked for addresses, they replied, but I never went back and addressed the envelopes and mailed them.

I’m like that a lot: I’ve written many letters that were never mailed, bought many cards that were never filled out, planned on inviting people over for dinner or something and never made the call, told people I’d pray about something and never prayed.  If my intentions counted, I’d be one of the best friends ever… but since its my follow-through that matters, I know I sometimes come across as unthoughtful and disinterested.

I don’t say that to put myself down, it’s an imperfection that I’ll admit to.  But in the spirit of pressing on, I will not accept it as just who I am.  I’m trying to be more intentional with my relationships.  If you are like me, here’s some things I’ve learned to improve in this area:

1.  If someone asks me to pray for something, I do it immediately.  Either out loud with them (even if it’s on the phone) or silently.  When I read a prayer request on facebook or email, I pray immediately and respond “Praying now.” Oftentimes I’ll remember later and pray again, but even if I don’t, I’m assured that I kept my word.

2.  Sending cards – www.tinyprints.com allows you to create a custom card and they will mail it directly to the recipient for you.  No more buying a card and not mailing it!  I’m sure other sites like snapfish and shutterfly does this as well.  I also like to send e-cards.  www.dayspring.com has some nice Christian ones.

3.  Helping friends – I like to help friends when they need it, whether through babysitting, bringing a meal or something along those lines.  But I’ve learned that when I ask friends to let me know if they need anything, they rarely do.  So I’ve started being more specific and saying things like, “I noticed in your Caring Bridge post that your son has an appointment tomorrow, can your other son come play with us?” or “I know things have been a little hectic for you lately and I plan on bringing you a dinner this week, is Tuesday or Wednesday better?”  I have a friend that when she brings a meal, she always brings a second one to heat up another day… I want to be that kind of friend who goes above and beyond.

4.  When I am planning a girls night out or some type of party, I purposefully invite people who I know are going to be away or unavailable so they know they were thought of too.  That way if their plans change they can come.  (I used to not invite people to things that I didn’t think they could come to.  But then I realized it was better to let them say no and know they were thought of then to have them think they weren’t included.)

5.  I’m trying to pick up the phone more.  Whenever I get in the car, I think who do I need to connect with and call them.  I’m also texting more, just a quick, “Hi, I hope you’re having a great day.” to let someone know I’m thinking of them.

I don’t know if any of these tips are helpful to you, but in my process of trying to improve myself, I know this is an area I need to work on.  So I press on to be a better friend, daughter, sister, wife…

Do you have any ways that have helped you be more intentional in your relationships?  I’d love to hear them.