Alright, let’s talk numbers. I’ve never been one to be open about the numbers. I’m more of a vague person. Sure I can say I lost x amount of weight, but I’m not one to admit my starting weight or current weight. I’ve often marveled at the contestants on Biggest Loser allowing their weight to be broadcast on TV. Why? Because I listen to other women talk about how they hit 150 pounds and they really need to lose weight. And I’m thinking, their weight is a dream weight for me! So to admit my actual weight is embarrassing.
But right now, I’m at my next “milestone” marker and I’ve been staring at it for a few weeks, and every time I get on the scale, I think surely I’ve gone under it, but no, still above it. So I’ve decided to go public with it, in hopes that next week I can celebrate on here and announce that I’ve gone below!
Before I admit to where I am, let me tell you where I’ve come from. Because where I am right now, is a number that most of you would be horrified if the scale ever said it. So to appreciate that it’s a good number, you need to know where I’ve been.
My highest recorded weight was 224. That was several years ago. I’ve lost and gained, normally fluctuating between 195 and 220. Every time I’ve gone under 200, I’ve said I’m never going back. But I always did. In November of 2010, I decided to get serious and started again. At that point, I was 218. I lost weight and last May I was about 188. Then I started gaining again. In February, I was back up to 210ish. Our scale had stopped working, so I didn’t get a starting weight when I got serious again. Which brings us to this morning. I was 180.5.
I can’t wait to get into the 170’s. Haven’t seen them in 12 years! But I think I mentally starting sabotaging myself. For the past 3 weeks, my weight loss has slowed down, and I’ve been fluctuating between 181 and 184. Even though I’ve continued running, I found myself overeating again. Not to the extreme I am when out of control, but having seconds or an extra snack. Just making poor decisions. So I started monitoring my eating on My Fitness Pal and am getting back on track.
So I’m hoping that next week I’ll be in the 170s! At 174, I’ll no longer be considered obese… just overweight! Can’t wait to see my Mii thin down a little bit on Wii Fit 🙂 But ultimately, I don’t want to stay in the 170s long… I need to Keep Pressing On to get my body to a healthy weight.
Early last week I had a revelation that I think will help. Prior to that, whenever I prayed about eating and losing weight, I kept praying that God would take my desire to eat outside of hunger away. I kept praying that food and my weight wouldn’t be a life long battle. I’ve often said that I don’t want to be counting calories at 50 years old. I want to not have to worry about food. I wanted to be “delivered” from my food issues. Basically I didn’t want to fight.
My God is big enough to take away all desires I have for overeating, and I’d definitely be thrilled if he chose to. But, last week I came to peace with the idea that food may be my lifelong battle. And that was OK. That I was willing to fight the battle every day of my life. Because not fighting is no longer an option. Because overeating was gluttony and that is sin. Because overeating wreaks havoc on my body, my energy level, and my health. Because overeating leads to depression. So I will fight, every day. Hopefully the fight will get easier… but even if it doesn’t, I’ll press on.
Reader, if this is a battle for you, please know that as I’m typing this, I’m praying for you too. Praying that you will fight, that you will press on. But I want to stress, that getting our body to a healthy weight will not make God love us any more than He does right now. He loves us like crazy, extra weight and all. When Christ died on the cross for our sins, it includes all those extra brownies, bowls of pasta, loaves of bread, and slices of pizza we’ve eaten!
In John 10:10, Jesus said, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” I separate this into 2 parts, “have life” and “have it to the full”. God loves me exactly as I am and has forgiven my sins through Christ’s death so I have eternal life, even if I never lose any weight. But when I choose to live my life surrendered to Jesus, following Him instead of sin, choosing to honor Him with my food choices and my activity choices, choosing to press on, I can have life to the full. Maybe not a worldly, prosperity full. But a life full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Pressing on Together,
P.S. Last week I had my annual GYN appointment and had to get on the scale. This doctor’s office still has the old school scale where you have to slide the balances. What a great feeling when the nurse only had to slide the first pointer to the 150 mark instead of the 200 mark. (If you’ve ever been over 200 pounds, you know what I’m talking about!) Hopefully at next year’s appointment, she’ll only have to slide it to the 100 mark!