This past week has been a strange, emotional week for me. My beloved alma mater and people I respected have made national news for “alleged” horrific acts by a man to innocent children and despite “alleged” knowledge of these acts, other men did not step up to protect these children and others.
In addition to that, last week, my oldest turned 11 – how did that happen so quickly? At my MOPS group, we had a meeting about “Special Needs” and I shared some of the challenges about being his mom. Of course in preparation for that, he timely had an “autistic meltdown” the day before. Funny, I’m trying to remember what it was about and I have no clue… I just remember the emotions that went along with it. Then again this morning, he had a meltdown at the doctor’s office during his well visit. He was kicking and screaming that he didn’t want any shots. I had to sit on top of him while one nurse held his arm and the other administered the shots. But even before then, I had to physically hold him down on the table (he has gotten so strong) while the doctor had to check his “privates”. He didn’t want to be touched there, and there I was holding him down so the doctor could touch him in a place that I’ve told him to never let anyone touch. So ironic…
Also in the local news this week, was an incident on my friends’ street where a car pulled up to a 5-year-old child and tried to lure him into the car. Thankfully the child ran to his house and told his parents. But, a couple of months ago, there was a lost dog near us and people were hanging flyers up all over. My oldest was out front when a car was driving by. The driver stopped and called my son over. Through our front window, my husband saw my son taking a paper from the car. Thankfully it was truly someone looking for their dog… but no matter how many times we’ve quizzed our boys about what they are to do if someone approaches them, there he was going right up to a car. It’s such a scary world for a mom.
Through all of this, I’ve been trying to make sense of how to protect my children. Do I let them play outside by themselves? Do I let them sleep over people’s houses. Do I let them join organizations where they are in close contact with adults that I think I can trust… but really how do I know? I want a bubble! I want to live in a bubble where I can protect them from people and germs and whatever wants to rob them of their youth and innocence.
But I know that’s not reality. So I’m praying extra hard for my boys right now.
The Lord is my light and my salvation — whom shall I fear. The Lord is the stronghold of my life — of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1)
The Lord is my strength and my shield: my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. (Psalm 28:7)
He tends his flock like a shepherd: he gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. (Isaiah 40:11)
And those words give me peace and confidence… but not yet answers to my questions… and so I’m still trying to make sense of how to be a mom in this world, how to trust God while not necessarily trusting “man” and for now, all I know how to do is draw close to God and let him gently lead me as he has promised.